patricia

yea……………… i passed my driving test!!!!!!!!!!!!!  04.06.08 at 1700hr. reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally soooooooooooooooo happy till i cannot stop smiling since i exit the car. hahahahahahah

Now i can finally drive legally… plus tell my husband i have got a driving liscence.. hah

the sweet taste of success…comes after the bitterness——–

I am starting to let go of the friendship which is losing its meaning………..

While in the midst of letting go, i found another friend…. unexpectedly. From being stranger to collegue and  finally to being partner…. I realised i am starting to open up abit of myself to this new found friendship which I never realise will be possible.

My philosphy is simple. I dun need many friends. I just need that one true frez and I am contented….. Which is something my previous friend didnt believe in. I couldnt have my own circle… I have to learn to deal with the tantrums which come as and when she likes. I  fear……. for our friendship is so fragile and break at the slightest shake.

I was hurt……… deeply hurt from the previous friendship. I couldnt get over the words she used in our last "disagreement". Each time I quiet down , I felt like crying. I kept telling myself ‘You have only yourself to blame cos u were stupid to believe that this friend is ur friend.’ I believe in her but she broke that trust…….. for watever reasons……..which I am no longer interested to know… I want to move on. perhaps i have finally braven up……. to let go…… for OUR good.

I dunno if I can make it with this new found frez.

But I will take tat risk……. as she was there for me when I am at my lowest… And its something I will do too……. for her.

Today my partner in the lab made a statement - there must be a fine line drawn between ranks when it comes to work.

I find it hard to accept. I believe in a mutually understanding relationship as I belive this makes life easier and happier. However today’s incident made me see things in a different view all together.  Although i hate to agree with my partner’s statement yet I saw the reality today thru an incident which happen.

A simple breakdown in communication cause me to get into trouble.. dragging down my senior as well. till now i feel so guilty to get her into trouble indirectly. The worst part was she doesnt mind which makes me even feel even worse.

I tried to rectify the problem with my friend but to no avail. I wonder if its because we are friends thats why its harder to talk about rank, as well as to get understanding and compliance from her side.  All i wanted was to prevent a similar "mistake" from happening again but all I got from her was resistance. I was challenged with this question - Could it be easier to bring my point across to her if I had put friendship aside and pull ranks in? The answer screams a loud YES. However I refuse to accept this.  :_(

I felt more hurt than angry over this whole incident which would never have taken place IF the communication had been better. I cannot work without rationale. I am a nurse and things need to make sense before I carry them out. Unfortunately my friend doesnt see it this way…. which pose a potential "mistake" from happening again. But there seems to be nothing I can do about it which would not hurt our friendship.

so the big question is : Should I draw a fine line between ranks so as to be effective in work? OR should i carry on believing in mutal understanding?

I could have brought the matter up , get things done the way it should and get my friend into trouble. But I refused to. Perhaps I dun dare to risk the stability of the friendship which seems already so shaky…………….

someone told me……..

THERE’S A POINT IN YOUR LIFE , WHEN YOU GET TIRED OF CHASING EVERYONE & TRYING TO FIX EVERYTHING. BUT IT’S NOT GIVING UP…………IT’S REALISING THAT YOU DON’T NEED CERTAIN PEOPLE, THE BULLSHIT AND THE DRAMA THEY BRING……….   :)

today i flunk my first driving test….. so sad.

I dunno if i had not tried my best or izit the stupid tester is damn too strict.. or just my luck.

anyway, WORK SUCKS!!!!! cos even though i am feeling real depressed i still have to go back to work. >:( 

There are some pple whom no matter what u do will nv be satisfied…..DUN BOTHER!!! lead ur life.

There are some pple whom no matter how hard u try can nv fit into ur circle….. DUN FORCE IT!!! let nature take its time.

There are those handful few whom u will nv wan to lose…. DUN TAKE FOR GRANTED!!! appreciate them.

Life is indeed beautiful….. 1 just need to turn and look somewhere , sometimes it’s just there….. waiting to be discovered…. waiting to be appreciated….

open ur heart!

I woke up one morning and felt a deep conviction within….. I AM NOT GOING TO LET ANYTHING OR ANYONE SPOIL MY MOOD.

later on, someone commented to my collegue and myself this unpleasant comment which didnt hurt me much (thanks to my early morning conviction). I even make a joke out of that comment. haha.

somehow i felt happier with this conviction…… Joy is from within regardless of the surroundings.

I guess i have my rights as well….. the right to shut off my ears… wahahaha

really hate pple who shunned responsibility… and i had to pair with one!!! i know xxx is counting days but that does not mean xxx can work selectively and choose what to do and then i just pick up the shit! its not as if xxx is not getting paid wat! but i m proud of myself cos i didnt fight with xxx. waste my energy. :)-  respect is earned not demanded.. does not mean that becos of certain post means will be respected cos i dun respect xxx at all!!

i just completed my 1st driving lesson…… alot of funny things happened and i suddenly felt its so much easier to just take taxi.  sighhssssss

my driving uncle commented that i nearly scared him to death cos i drove very recklessly at a S road…. i got no driving experience ma….. ;)    i thought i was going at a slow 20 km/hr but the speed nearly kill me.i know i m hogging the road but pls i m a freshie ma..to the stupid coach driver who tailgate me.boooooooo. i should have just suddenly e-brake. hahaha. but i dun wan to get "mark" by my instructor… thanks to the other nice drivers who were very patient with me… cheerssss..  m i the only one who slow down so much at a road hump till the car stop?? ;)    m i the only one who hit left signal but turn right? someone pls tell me to wake up my idea and not bother to learn to drive anymore…..

but i still need a liscense leh……HOW????

I praised a collegue today for something she did. she commented " after working half a year with you, i finally got ur praise." then she smiled.

I laughed and used my file to whack her lightly. but i thought deep into it……. does my praise really matters so much to her?……………

When i first took over this job. I was kind of thrown into it. I had to pick up reeeeally fast within 3weeks and take over the entire lab which was a specialised dept and I had no posting at all previously so my experience was practically zero in this area.  It was so stressful being a temp staff with a huge load of responsibility and with no one to refer to, I had to depend on myself and learn INDEPENDENCE.  Nobody can understands the stress i faced back then and the multiple late times i stayed back just to make sure all tasks are completed well and all ready for the next day. Some nights were really long as I tossed on bed worrying what the next day holds. and not forgetting the countless times i broke down and sobbed when i got shouted at for things so ……..  Looking back, i dunno y i hang on sooooo long even though i could have packed and left.

I returned from US recently for a course in this area. Looking forward to going to Korea soon for another course. Too bad they didn’t have an english educator plus i dun speak korean.

Now I am loving my job and most patients.. :)  though there are bound to be some hicups here and there but I still love this present job. maybe I might stay till ……..

I see staffs come and go. for some I feel sad to see them leave. others I thought it is better for them to venture elsewhere.. to date , I still have not found the best partner to work in the lab until we need ‘tong kok’. hehe… wishing God will send me one real soon…. to stay for good.

but for now, I have to learn constantly that all of us are different…. with different perception of responsibility, proactiveness, speed, objectives, goals and passion. I cannot demand from them what was demanded from me. don’t ask me how I got enlightened….. somehow growing phase carrys with it a unique sense of beauty which only the receiver will understands.

by the way what my collegue did was photocopy some papers.

y everything also go up except pay leh??

then if pay increase, its sooooooooooooo pathetic till cannot see any difference in the bank account…

y pay increment do not seems to link to work load leh…..

y y y y y y y y y y  y ????????   i not bangala leh